Chapter 8: The Italian Bella Notte
In April, I met an Italian man in Lisbon for his birthday. Little did I know our one romantic night would be the Bella Notte I dreamed would happen in Europe.
I had shown my roommate LS all my relationship and sex options available in Graça as we sat in Jardim da Cerca da Graça. We were enjoying his day off, soaking in the April sun, drinking wine and watching dogs dig holes - which I thought only happened in cartoons.
My Grindr grid had a mix of locals, expats and visitors, the latter who indicated themselves by placing their country’s flag in their profile names or writing in their bio their travel dates as if they were announcing an “Eras Tour.” Some sought out drinking buddies, friends, hookups or chems.
My online presence was garnering taps and various “oi’s,” “ola’s” and/or “tudo bem?” I wasn’t looking to get sucked into the Grindr universe and have endless chats with no results. It was really to get LS’s opinion on the men, as he has great taste. After scrolling for a few minutes with him, I muted my phone and enjoyed his company.
We headed home as the sun set, casting a shadow on the Jardim. As soon as we walked through the door of our flat, he dropped his stuff off and went to pick-up his boyfriend. Alone and slightly tipsy, my body slumped on our red love seat where I opened and checked my Grindr notifications. It was amazing how even though I had been in Lisbon for five months, the “Canadian in Lisbon” mention in my bio still garnered interest from people.
Along with the greetings mentioned earlier, I received 🍆 and 🍑 emojis as well as unsolicited nudes. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good NSFW picture as much as the next homosexual, but maybe start with a “hi” in your language.
Eventually, I saw a “tap” from someone interesting. He was a very hairy Italian man and looking through his photos, I had a hard time finding a hairless spot on his body. He was a proclaimed “Italian Bottom” and likely a very hung one by the looks of his photo in grey boxer briefs. What did catch my eye was his profile noting it was his birthday.
Me: “Happy Birthday! Your hair 🤤”
Him: “Heeey thank you. A lot of hair here hahaha.”
Me: “Very hot. As a 25 per cent Italian, it’s just my hairy chest.”
Him: “Love your Canadian hair too.”
The conversation went into the basics. We learned where we were from in our respective countries and he shared how on this trip he’d done a lot of eating, walking and relaxing - typical Lisbon vacation behaviour. After about a half hour of grinding virtually, I wrote the following.
Me: “Well don’t know how long you’re staying, but if you need someone to celebrate your birthday with (a drink, hookup, hang) let me know.”
There was a long pause and I thought maybe the mention of a hookup was too much for him, but then again he proudly proclaimed his preferred position and noted “hookups” as what he was looking for in his profile.
He responded by saying I was so nice and how he thought Canadians were cold people - to which I defended our nation by saying, our bodies are cold from the winter, but we’re warm people inside. He said he was having a beer and croquette in Alfama and shared his location on the app.
The First Impression | La Prima Impressione
For those who don’t know, Grindr shares an approximate location not an exact location - safety reasons. I knew approximately where he was, but he didn’t tell me the actual spot, likely because if he chickened out he could secretly sneak away.
He warned me his verbal English was not as good as his written English, but I completely understood given I felt the same with my Portuguese. I peeled myself off the couch, saw LS and his boyfriend come through the door, greeted them and left.
Google Maps doesn't translate well in Lisbon. The city is literally stacked on top of each other. It’s like the urban planners were playing Jenga. I was close to the point where he dropped his pin, but I couldn't figure out if I needed to go down the stairs or continue right. I went down and couldn’t find him. I messaged asking where he was and he said “Miradouro de Santa Luzia.”
I craned my neck up. He was literally on top of me - unusual for a bottom unless we were in a cowboy position. Part of me hoped he would lean over and I’d catch a glimpse of him and we’d have a Romeo and Juliet moment - perfect for two Italians. I even imagined the dialogue…
Me: “Italian bottom, oh Italian bottom. Wherefore art thou Italian bottom?”
Him: “Up here, my fair Canadian top!”
I was tempted to message that, but given his English was okay, I feared the reference would confuse him.
While Lisbon is not “fair Verona,” I’ll still lay the scene. Miradouro de Santa Luiza is a beautiful viewpoint with sweeping views of the Tagus and the red terracotta rooftops of Alfama to the south, the domed National Pantheon to the east and parts of the City Centre to the west. The miradouro is arguably the most beautiful. It has a stunning pergola providing shade in the day with vines snaking through its wooden beams and seats along the wall facing each other for romantic face to face conversations. It even has Azulejo tiles and these stunning plants with flowers that resemble ballerinas.
I searched for him knowing he had a beer and orange shirt, per his last message, but couldn’t find him. I messaged him hoping the distinct Grindr notification sound would echo and guide me to him. I didn’t hear anything, but saw a man twist his neck side to side in search of something…or someone…or me. He was sitting on the edge, back against the column holding the pergola up. His shirt wasn’t orange, but a series of red hues, but all was forgiven because he warned me of his English and if I tried the same thing in Portuguese I’d likely have the same outcome. I approached him and we made our introductions.
Me: “Happy Birthday…”
I paused, wanting to say his name, but realized we never exchanged them.
Me: “Happy Birthday Italian Bottom!”
He smiled and laughed, also realizing we never exchanged names. He put his free hand through his hair which I hadn’t noticed was curly in photos.
Him: “I am NB.”
By the way he introduced himself you could tell he had a thick Italian accent and I found it sexy. I sat next to him, asked how his birthday was and then told him about my trip to Rome for a wedding in a few weeks with the goal of recreating my favourite Rome-set film The Lizzie McGuire Movie. His face lit up as I said Lizzie and he began to explain his love of the film - you can read a bit more about my relationship with the film in this 29Secrets article I wrote.
We found one thing in common and as the night progressed we found other commonalities like a shared love of writing, similar careers and an almost identical taste in TV shows. We really hit it off. Every time we’d find something similar, he’d tilt his head down smiling, while his curly hair bounced.
I asked if he wanted to see my favourite places in Lisbon and he agreed. While I offered, the pressure to show him around weighed differently on me as he saw me as a local. I had to make my adopted city proud.
Exploring Lisbon | Esplorando Lisbona
We began the descent down the stairs I had mistakenly taken earlier and wandered Alfama. I took him through the tiny streets explaining how old women still occupied the houses and sat outside selling a red liquor called Ginjinha to tourists. I also mentioned how you’d typically hear Fado coming from various buildings.
As we walked the windy quiet streets, I felt a distance, but wasn’t offended. The streets were dark and he was putting his trust in a stranger he met on Grindr. Feeling he was nervous I changed the conversation from me giving him a tour to asking simple questions about his life.
We made it to the National Pantheon where I learned he also loved architecture. His face, as we walked around the grand structure that houses the bodies of politicians and popular figures in the arts, lit up in excitement. We went behind the pantheon to where Feira da Ladra is held every Tuesday and Saturday and I grabbed his shoulders in which he immediately tensed up.
Me: “Now imagine, blankets and tables set up here and down there, with things placed in no sensical way. Tiles next to porn next to door handles. It’s a massive treasure hunt searching for things you need or didn’t know you needed.”
He told me he missed the event on Saturday and was sad he wouldn’t get to see it. I just told him he needed to come back.
We made our ascent up to the Miradouro da Graça, my favourite viewpoint. In the end, I think I succeeded in showing him around and celebrating his birthday. I bought two beers and we sat facing the city as I began to point out the major attractions like Casetlo de São Jorge, Ponte 25 de Abril, Cristo Rei and Carmo Convent. We sat there and continued to charm each other.
The Goodnight Kiss | Il Bacio Della Buonanotte
Eventually, I walked him down to the Jardim da Cerca da Graça where LS and I had spent our afternoon ten hours ago. I wished him a happy birthday and we proceeded to kiss. His hands around my neck and mine his waist, with a slight diversion up the front of his shirt to feel his hairy chest which he did no object. He put his fingers through my hair, which was full of hair gel. I apologized for the sticky hands. We said our goodbyes and he went downhill, while I went uphill.
As I walked back to my apartment, I looked up at the clear sky and started singing a Disney-fied Italian song from my childhood called Bella Notte (Beautiful Night):
Oh, this is the night, it's a beautiful night
And we call it bella notte
Look at the skies, they have stars in their eyes
On this lovely bella notte
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Bella Nolte in Lisbon- could it get more romantic a stage? No. But… but… he started the “date” open to a hook up and chickened out? Or you didn’t push his “door” open enough to get in? Or you decided it wasn’t heating up fast enough so you’re going for a second date? I subscribed hoping to find out If he didn’t get a birthday present on his birthday will he still be open to it on day two? I don’t think I would have pushed for penetrative sex that night but I would have pushed that door enough to see if he. Would accept a BJ just to cement my point. My position my… intent that it would t be difficult for him to get a lot more. If not now then soon and maybe repeatedly. But heh, that’s just mme.