Chapter 1: La Noia
All stories have a beginning. Before diving into my year abroad, we have to go back to 2023.
Angelina Mango’s La Noia may have placed sixth at Eurovision in 2024, but according to my Spotify Wrapped it won my heart. Since 2006, I’ve been documenting my top 5 songs in a spreadsheet to see what the artists, songs and genres say about my life in that year.
In 2020, Pixie Lott took the top spot with Won’t Forget You. That year, the world went into lockdown as COVID-19 separated us from family and friends. In the year prior, I had seen a flourishing in my queer friendships with regular in-person meet-ups. With lockdown, I was worried those efforts would vanish and I'd be forgotten.
In 2022, Holiday Hills by Canadian boys Loud Luxury was on top. In a release issued by Sony Music the duo stated the EP, by the same name, was meant to “…bring colour to the dull, a party to the boring and chaos to the order.” At this point, society had followed strict lockdown orders for almost two years and in 2022 restrictions were lifted. Many were ready to party, add colour to their lives again and bring a little chaos with this “return to normal.” For me, 2022 saw the return of my adventurous side with trips to Spain and Portugal where party, colour and chaos (the good kind) did ensue.
La Noia, translated from Italian to English, means “The Boredom,” yet the song is anything but boring. It has an upbeat tempo with carefree lyrics that marries my experiences in 2023 and 2024 perfectly.
Stumbling home to my temporary apartment on Lisgar Street in Toronto on New Year’s Day 2023, I began thinking about how boring my resolutions sounded compared to everyone else that night. “Work less.” “Get serious about dating.” “Workout more.” “Buy a condominium.” To be frank, they were resolutions I constantly made and broke. It was that night my boredom for my life in Toronto began.
As the year progressed, I panicked at the thought of my resolutions – minus the workout one. I felt investing in real estate and a committed relationship would tie me down to a repetitive, mundane life. I avoided my parent’s questions about buying property, but diverted their disappointment by placing money into a first-time homebuyer account to give them hope. I sabotaged romantic relationships, especially with this sweet Spanish man who in any other year would have been a match.
In my career, I was on track to achieve the goals I set in 2020, but lost the motivation to develop new ones. I felt my whole identity was becoming my job. At one point when COVID-19 ravaged my immune system I thought, If I were to die, what would my obituary/eulogy be? No one ever says what a hard worker a person is at their funeral. Yes…when I get sick I become one of those overly dramatic men.
I didn’t know what to do, until I was organizing my computer files and found a folder labeled “Youth Mobility.” The Youth Mobility Visa is offered by the Canadian government in partnership with select countries where youth (35 and under) are able to spend a year in another country - a working holiday visa of sorts. My mind immediately went to Portugal, a country whose history, food and culture I’ve always loved. Luckily, it was one of few countries who would take my old ass as most Youth Mobility Visas ended at 30 years old. So, I did the paperwork, applied, got the visa and moved to Lisbon in November of 2023, living there for a full year.
In November 2024, as I waited at Pierre Elliott Trudeau International Airport on a three hour layover for my flight back to Toronto, I decided to translate the lyrics of La Noia. I couldn’t believe how accurately they reflected my evolution from New Year’s Day 2023 to the end of my year abroad. Here are some of the lyrics that stuck out (and apologies for my not so perfect translation):
Quanti disegni ho fatto, Rimango qui e li guardo, Nessuno prende vita // How many drawings have I made? I stay here and look at them. No one comes to life: After discovering that “Youth Mobility” folder, I reviewed its contents. As a researcher and planner, I saw all the dreams and aspirations I had. The folder was created in 2017, with “modified” or “last opened” stamps throughout 2019. These years are significant as I was searching for new employment - a new adventure. This folder containing my research and plans were my “drawings,” that I clearly looked at for years and that never came to life. When I rediscovered the folder, part of me had a now-or-never urge to bring them to life. Plus, I was getting older…it was literally now-or-never.
E mi hanno detto che la vita è preziosa // And they told me that life is precious: As mentioned, no one says you’re a hard worker at your funeral - well not the ones I’ve attended. Many choose obituaries/eulogies about the memories and moments in one’s life. After COVID-19 older family friends mentioned how the pandemic made them realize how precious, short and unpredictable life was and told us youth to live it to the fullest. After my year abroad I now understand the weight of these lyrics and the advice those family friends gave.
Quasi quasi cambio di nuovo città, Che a stare ferma a me mi viene, a me mi viene, La noia. // I almost changed cities again, Because staying still makes me feel bored: In 2021, I moved to Montreal for a time. COVID-19 had ravaged the Toronto I loved and I thought a change of scenery would reignite my love for the city. If anything, it was the beginning of my restlessness and 2023 was the tipping point.
Quanta gente nelle cose vede il male, Viene voglia di scappare come iniziano a parlare, E vorrei dirgli che sto bene ma poi mi guardano male // How many people see the evil in things? It makes you want to run away when they start talking. And I'd like to tell them that I'm fine but then they look at me badly: For me, this evil is personified as the pressure to purchase property, to be in a committed relationship and to work your life away. As an “evil thing” in my eyes, I wanted to run away from it. In return for my views of these perceived evils, others found me suspicious and even sinful for thinking this way and breaking the norm many of us have been taught to achieve. Every time I spoke of this “defiance” I got uncomfortable looks for not conforming.
Se rischio di inciampare almeno fermo la noia // If I risk tripping at least I stop the boredom: My life in Toronto was very sheltered. I never took risks and most things fell into place (sadly, I feel myself falling back into that habit now). I wanted to go out, make mistakes, trip a few times and scrape my knees - but not get them too bloody as blood makes me faint. I wanted to stop the boredom and that is what I did.
In this Substack, I will tell stories about my life abroad, what I learned during my European life about the world and myself. I’ll share things I probably only care about, the soundtrack for each city I visited, the amazing people I became friends with, the ones I had relations with (though I will never reveal their names) and more. Plus, given my year was so unpredictable, I’ll reflect that in the format with short stories, essays and poetry.
I hope you’ll join me on this journey. I’m excited to share my experiences and inspire you to potentially take that risk and trip.
READ CHAPTER 2: LESSON IN FRIENDSHIP FEATURING MAE MARTIN AND SABRINA JALEES